Words: 735
Time to read: 4 minutes
The easiest person to deceive is yourself. The lies that we tell ourselves are manifold and quite often lead to difficult choices. No one makes us believe the lies, we just choose to buy into them. Often they’re convoluted to disguise personal failure, save face, and maintain the charade that everything is fine.
Normally, however, the only person we’re fooling is ourselves.
Everyone can see the truth. Everyone can see the pain and hurt that we so often attempt to mask. And even if they can’t see it openly, they can perceive that something is amiss. Our words and actions under pressure always belie the masquerade that we so valiantly don day after day.
Knowing you need help is the first step. Often you’re the last to know that you need it. We’re so prone to putting up walls, shutting people out, and attempting to tough it out that we fail to see the attenuation of our spirit and perspective that occurs piecemeal, yet devastatingly so. I remember my youth pastor when I was a teen always used the idea of a rotting tree for spiritual decay. While the bark may be as magnificent as ever and the foliage verdant and dense, a fallen tree died from within. The storm simply revealed what was going on internally for perhaps decades. The tree did not fall in one day.
It’s difficult to admit that we are needy. Especially in the Gospel ministry, we are the ones who ought to bear the burdens, we are the ones who must be giving them help. The leader must maintain that he has no cracks in the armor, all the while the people see that the new clothes are a mere pretense for hurt, unresolved conflict, and personal disappointment. What would be most helpful would be to keep a constant reminder of how our Lord sees us. Yes, we are His child but that does not abnegate the reality of the flesh that we all must deal with on a continual basis.
That flesh is prone to vanity. It’s prone to misunderstanding. It’s prone to selfishness. It’s prone to getting what it wants. All things that lead to hurt, disappointment, and regret. Not even the choicest of God’s servants are immune to such tendencies. We have to have a conversation with ourselves to remind ourselves just how frail and incapable we truly are. It’s only in that effete state that we can truly see our utility—in spite of your incapabilities God wants to use you.
But you have to be honest with yourself.
Peter had to realize that he really had denied the Lord three times. Vehemently.
Elijah had to realize that he really was running from a crazed queen. Desperately.
Paul had to realize that he would live with Satan’s buffet for the rest of his life. Painfully.
We could turn to many more instances when weakened men were brought face to face with their insufficiency and God’s inexhaustible love and grace.
Peter had to come face to face with Jesus to be reminded of this.
Elijah had to hear a still small voice to recall God’s plan and purposes in his life.
Paul needed to be reminded that only His grace was sufficient to meet the incomprehensible suffering he endured.
We can continue the charade. We can put the mask on day after day. We can attempt to hide the broken and sinful condition that we still find ourselves in, even as God’s servant.
That does nothing to heal the hurt. That does nothing but exacerbate the frustration and disappointments that so often we experience due to our own personal failings.
The tree didn’t just fall down. It died slowly from the inside out over a long period of time.
That shouldn’t happen in ministry; yet, far too often, it does. And it will continue. The only hope is abiding in Christ. Rooted and grounded in Him. The personal failures that we all perpetrate must be dealt with head-on. Find a trusted, mature counselor to help you. You’re not alone. That’s the greatest lie that Satan has been able to disseminate.
Get honest with yourself. You need way more help than you realize because you’re broken beyond your capacity to fix. Only by the constant application of God’s renewing grace are we able to be the vessels of mercy to others that He would have us be.