Do you want to hang on to this hurt? I’d asked that question many times before. The response I received this time startled me somewhat, “I’ll have to think about it.” I may have graciously (or not so) recovered from that response. I didn’t even know people were so willing to hang on to something that Christ never intended us to keep. The loss of parents within just a few weeks of each other. This dear lady’s life has been in shambles emotionally for 15 years. And she was ok with it. A dear, life-long friend abandoned her–at least in her words. So she has no desire to open herself up to trusting people and allowing them in her life. For fear of getting hurt. Again. It’s a defense mechanism. And it’s killing her. She told me that she wasn’t leaving the church because of me or because of problems in the church. She was leaving because she wasn’t right. Again, a defense mechanism. I know she’s hurting. The question is, will she allow Christ to salve her hurting heart to the place where she can be used for Christ’s honor and glory?
We become content with the hurt that we’re toting. It gives us a sense of purpose. A sense of security. But the truth is we’re clinging to something more akin to a reptilian killer than an innocuous teddy bear. It slithers its way into our conscience and being without ever intending or desiring it to. We love it and stroke it and feed it as we would a pet. All the while digging its contemptuous claws into our minds and polluting even our core existence. And everyone else can see it. But the beast continues its rabid devouring of all that we think we are. Until we’re blind not only to our own condition but certainly to its very existence. We hang on believing the lie that it is all we have left.